little black dress night

once dressed and ready to go....what color do you like? I am asked...red blue orange yellow....orange i say...presented with an orange wrapped trojan am i...lol...very funny...NOT...

learned to play craps tonight...scott bought me a drink tonight...saw my roommate's butt tonight...as jeanie (lovely & lively as always) pulled up her skirt while they lesbian danced in the window...sorry i did not insist on making a video email with the girls...dan liked that i joined into the spirit of the evening with a little black dress

spent much of the night watching birds on the couch outside with david...just met david...80's band dance partner vaughn's friend...one of the many men my roommate has dated a couple of times...he believed in my idea that if ornithologists watch birds then i could be a whorintholigist and watch the goings on...i theorized that there were many species...david believes there are only varying breeds of the same one..."all canaries are not the same" he said...i think i may agree...the angel girl was there and a girl from jersey...these two stood out from the flock...

drank little...danced little...but it was hot inside and i missed someone who did not come to join the festivities...as we left vaughn said i was the coolest girl in the place....lol....as we said our goodbyes, chef asked me to dance in the back away from the crowd...i refused...turned away and did my best dignified walk in really high heels out of the club...sometimes it's good to be the one bird who is not always caught up in the continual need to flaunt feathers in an eternal mating dance :)...(will this lack of need render me eternally alone?...maybe i care, but not as much as i need to to change...)

ahhh...a night home alone...dropped the roommate off at the house of her latest man...a little vodka...a little history channel...and some sleep...

signed...maybe not quite so blue....

an unposted post from Sunday

no more brunches at Cru!!
they mad our friend sad and she quit
ran into people all day who said it was the worst brunch day ever...cru sucks
--
shopping...hmmm...apparently I wear the wrong clothes and I wear my clothes too big...okay...so the small size doesn't look so bad...but I still wonder if it makes me look like those women I see who apparently have no real insight into how big their own asses actually are...I am weary...my daddy always hated when I put on that small size that actually touches my ass and thighs...my girl friend is not exactly worlds more lady-like and tasteful dresser...and...well sales girls are there to sell things...
--
and the bugs came...the sidewalk carpeted with an undulating layer of winged chaos...can't stay for this...home to change for the rest of "sunday-out"...
--
home to dress for the beach...HA...I don't believe it...she got me out of the house in a bathing suit shorts and a hat...little strappy things on exposed shoulders...of course...my bathing suit is not exactly (at all) revealing...and my shorts are somewhat less than short...but the braless strappy thing...who'd ah thunk...LOL
--
an encounter with the Ritz a la trailer park trash:...she told me we were going to a beach resort to have a drink and some lunch by the water...when we arrived the bugs' invasion had shut down the tiki bar on the beach...we were forced to patronize the indoor "cafe"...what a scene of barely clad silicon, suction, dirty children and beer bellies...jesus christ didn't your momma teach you to cover up at the table...the waitress from the saturday night live version of that late 70's show ALICE...the burger was burnt, the pina colada was mix & rum poured over ice (nasty looking slop)...the view was all tits and ass...and the acoustics all "ya'll can say that again" and "honey, order me another beeeaaR"...thankfully my friend was able to speak that insider restaurant talk to the manager so we could leave without paying for the displeasure of having graced his establishment...
--
a last bit of shopping on the way to the key....there are some things chubby girls just CAN NOT wear...strappy with exposed arms...okay maybe...occasionally...but there is no way in hell sun dresses belong on fat girls!!!...even my friend and the sales girls had to concede that sundress is not my look LOL
--
on the key...Giligan's had the misters running to stay of the swarms...this was definitely a day of pseudo biblical plagues…bar food…more ick….sweet frozen drinks…thanks…saw joey and joey…
--
drum circle…interesting…had been told it was “tribal”…I am not sure which tribe performs its rituals to a 4/4 beat…oh yeah… the white tribe…but at least people were trying to be free…break free…a couple of older men actually looked as though they had not known that people could move with abandon and without shirts until very recently in their lives…it was both joyous and sad to see the 60 something women who had recently garnered the courage o belly dance…why the hell are people so pinned up?...what did someone do to them when they were babies…drums…I love the sound of drums played in a joyous frenzy…drums played with hands…kill the man with the electric guitar!!!
--
much much day…need rest…hope the post is not too much of a mess…no engery for editing…
--
you sleep too….signed….blue

libido

libido...I think mine flees in the presence of men...dancing close...getting kissed, back rubbed...libido...poof...gone...I can grind crotch to crotch on the dance floor...I can feel him get a rise out of the experience...but for me nothing...zip...zero...dry as a desert...unmoved as ice in a freeze...when I am alone, I can think of a man and feel the waves of warmth, the catch of my breath, the wondering what he would feel like on me, in me...i hope libido is not lost completely...maybe this vanishing is just a signal marker...something to make me notice when that man who is capable of causing libido's return arrives...

pondering...blue

by the bridge

Saturday in the car under the bridge occasionally adjusting the angle of parking to reestablish my relationship with tree shade, listening to Bach, and scribbling in my book, just scribbling like a child with chalk on the sidewalk...the wind was warm and wonderful...and alone was the best company i've known in a long time...Tanzanian chocolate with chilies...mmmmmmmm

signed...blue

commenting now turned on

the ability to leave comments is now to available to the ghosts and cobwebs who read these words...

stopped a fight tonignt

stopped a fight
first accidentally then on purpose

a fight first landed on her
she fell behind me...
the bloody fighter fell in my lap

then I stood and put myself in between the idiots
enforced the phrase STOP IT repeatedly at the top of my lungs
just enough to insight a paused to look at this crazy screaming bitch between them
just enough to give the frozen cowardly males a chance to grab them
without fearing to get "involved"

she was all fine
we were all wet from flying drinks

as for blue stepping in the middle of a brawl on the sidewalk...WHAT AN IDIOT!!!!

Thurday night...and update on Wednesday

danced danced danced

someone who used to date an ex-friend kissed me...hmmmm
danced danced danced in the window for all to see
met a movie producer who is a juvenile ass
throwing ice....flicking noses

danced and danced with the girls
joy is a good thing
and cachasa
with cucmerbers and lime

wednesday's update:
party girl boot camp
power walked the bridge at 2 am

better to walk and talk with my best girl than to lay down and have the room spin

put down the drink...drop the cigarette
and
MOVE IT MOVE IT MOVE IT

KC and the Sunshine Band...
my my my my my boogie shoes....


signed....blue

some women are angels..and he didn't understand

a raven-haired beauty
in the perfect dress
for her perfect breasts
real
as she is real
her beauty true
latin, deep
a dark bright space
for love
as she is
for love
loving
perfection
what it means to be
female
feminine

i called to tell him of her
he wanted to
sleep
travel
think me engaged
in trivia

an earth angel
raven-haired and perfect
and the him
who just didn’t
understand




signed....blue

wax me home...a poem

music reverberating concrete
under my feet
i watch the fetching—
fetch
check mates
gaze down:
shirts, rivals, the slopes of noses

and

i
alone here
wonder if this half moon
waxes
or wanes our way home


the girl in the polka-dotted
newsboy cap
keeps trading it
for glasses

the boy with glasses
needs perspective
on the surrounding lack of
those worthy

judgment without reflection


as

i
alone here
wonder if this half moon
waxes
or wanes our way home


eyes turn down
glasses drain
djs meter a denouement


while this half moon

waxes my way home




-----signed,
....................blue

Karaoke Monday

That's my fun day...my I don't have to run day...[giggle]

This was the first of what I hope to will be many karaoke Mondays. Too much fun. Sang one song. Pushed a girl...[yeah I pushed a girl :-P]

The tale of the push....

there was this cute thing that was so busy being cute that she forgot to be considerate. I don't even mean polite...I mean like she forgot to consider what was going on outside of her own machinations toward the "I bagged the guy" hall of flame....no less than five people...including me (who was trying to sing a song I did not fully know the words to, and needed to see the screen) tried to give this poor thing a clue...one of the guys she was cutie-pieing all over even tried to give her a gently nudge in the back toward moving on her way...but she was just mac'n and pose'n...so...as the last verse of the song came up on the screen (my big finale)...I took a step forward and put two fingers under the edge of her shoulder blade and just gave a little shove...she stumbled forward...I finished my song...people who had tired to warn her chuckled...but...a small but at that... as i walked away from the mic, she moved out in front of me and loomed down with an unimpressively mousy: "excuse me, did u puussh me???"...I replied: "Ohyeah i-did"[with a tone of affirmation...rather than forgetfulness]...she asked why? and started to say something about "unnecessary"...I told her she: 'cause she was in front of the words...her: [repeat] "unnecessary:...me: [shrug]...Guy she was mac'n on: gentle pull on her arm and a whisper in her ear...her: looked a little "sheepish" & turned her back...never saw nor heard of them again.

Got back to my seat at the bar and hiv camera guy said: "do you have any idea the kind of power you possess?"

me: "nope...Bartender... another martini please???"...........

Was It Something He Said?

The dry recounting of him (more logically than chronologically):

A man approached and told me he is: HIV positive (for 26 years), a professional photographer, going into a medical study to have an ultraviolet-light-omitting bracelet cure his HIV, a heart surgeon, and one level lower on the plane of spiritual evolution than me. He took my picture many many times and said things to me.

The things he said to me (the short of it):

• You glow with a light from within
• You have such power inside you
• You are here to do something great for humanity
• You are a guardian angel
• You can change things with a snap of your fingers
• You have forgotten
• I am here to remind you
• Wake up
• beautifulbeautifulbeautifulbeautifulbeautifulbeautifulbeautiful

I listened. I smiled. I thanked.
Very remotely flattered.
Largely confused.
Was he nuts? [Yeah]
Was he really sent to remind me? [hmmmm]
Am I a weirdo magnet? [OH YEAH!!!!!]

This went on in ebbs and flows from 10 PM to 2 AM

Does this kind of thing happen to other people...often?
weirdo magnet...yeah...that's my new name...weirdo magnet

The little voice in the head just said: "Don't you dismiss your gifts..." [hmmmm]


Signed,
blue

Something New

Trying something new

A way to forget that fancy passes too quick

A way to share the joy

...a little ache...maybe...sometimes