disco living room

what a shitty few days...complaints...rotten moods...the urge to RUN RUN RUN AWAY!!!

wasn't going to return to the apartment this evening...I was in a piss...but talk to dragonspirit and he basically ordered me not to use running as my first line of defense (for once in my life....I am good at running...and, if not running, chasing people away)...

so I went back to the apartment (not yet worthy of being called HOME)...

and WHOOHOOO...i remembered why I live this woman called roommate...she brings out the cheerer in me...she reminds me how much I like to get stupid and make people smile...

glass of wine 70s disco channel on the tv music thingy...and the home shopping gala of go-go fantasy funky party begins...WHOOHOO....

get naked in the living room and let the clothes flinging begin...

boy am i good at making other women look HOT!!!

(be hot, get everything they want...maybe i should work a little of that magic on myself)

the new car call from the italians came...no more super charged mustang :-(...but WHOOHOO...a convertible pickup truk like monster that eats gas at $60 a tank...put that top down and blast that funky music white girl!!!

then...is that a rain drop...NOPE...

THAT A DELUGE....EEEEEEEKKKKKKKKK....

DO NOT I REPEAT DO NOT...try to put the top up while doing 60mph...

pull over in the EXIT ONLY and push the button....weeeer g-ujung..on the road again...

zooomy zooom

home to hoola hoop in the living room...roommate is starting to get it down...me...heh...i guess won enough hoola hoop contest between 7 and 17...but i'll keep picking it up off the floor and shaking my ass while i watch it fall...good for giggles...LOL

roommate said thanks for a fun evening...i feel the same...i think i remember why i live here now...

THIS PLACE IS A BLAST!!! :-)

funny roommate and I both agreed that we've been in a funk and had some sad shitty days of late...

but i guess dragonspirit is right...there is a hell of a lot more to be learned from staying than from running away...

here for at least one more day....hoping that tomorrow will be as much fun as the end of this day...

roommate and i have made a pact to get back to the exercise on the beach rutine we had fallen out of last week...and we've given ourselves an assignment: by morning write the five things we need to do now to create ultimate happiness for our futures...we will take tehm to the beach in the mornign a make a ritual request of the universe for guidance and help...

on my way...signed blue

the glitter ball

too much to tell all...but worth noting...

roommate and I have firmly decided on this day after the first glitter ball (a tribute to studio 54 at the club) that we love dancing with jeanie...she make us feel SEXY ~~~

he wore his glasses with side burns and mustache well...what a good sport...so good at having fun is he...what a pleasurable escape from the usual self-conscious tards who won't just let go and go-go dance with the flow...not a bad dancer...such a kind gentleman...he can come and play with us anytime...

we wore outrageous 70s garb from the costume store...go-go boots six inch platform heels...white glow in the dark eye lashes...fake mustaches and afro wigs...so fun so fun

Now...the challenge: what to wear to the next glitter ball...hmmmmm


you should be dancin yeaaaaah...blue

hmmmm

okay..so now I am in the bathroom throwing up....not really that is just what roommate is telling me some guy on the phone so she does not have to sleep with him...hmmmm

tonight I walked out on my favorite 80s band because while dancing i had a comfortable spot next to the speaker while roommate was being bumped by other dancers....she danced into my spot...thus shoving me into hers so the bumpers could bump me instead...she followed me out and swore she had not done such a thing...

the cute girl gang (asian and white girls i swear are prostitutes) put their purses behind me on the conch and informed me that if anything happened to one of their purses they would be looking for me...

what the hell is up with the disrespect???

the guy who used to date my whore of an ex best friend then kissed me while dancing a while ago got married...he and his wife ended up at the club this evening...yet he saw fit to bump me (butt to butt) as he walked passed with her...

what is up with the disrespect????

I must have some kinda shitty karma to work through...maybe it was all that sex i had in high school...now i have to PAY...

3 italian men cafe bologna and the table

took the day off the 6 am walk on the beach...roomie and I need the rest (especially roomie...she noisy sex in her room until very late thurs. night)

spent the afternoon on the beach...had lunch while roommie negotiated down the price of my bed...watched the shuttle launch on tv...actually put on make up (for once...you'd think I was not a girl fo=rom how much i avoid make up...changed clothes 3 times...ironed help roomie use my make up and brushes...wondered if I shoudl do that...beacuse (as always) my make up is rare and expensive and could be ruined by misuse...but, then again, the fun of playing dress up is always more fun when shared....tehy came to pick us up ant 9 pm///

had the BEST dinner tonight with 3 italian men who hardly spoke english all night. they spoke too quikly and vernacularly for me to catch much of what they said. Alessandro taught me all about wine tasting/testing. I got to know roommate's friend minolo...he swears he is 26 but looks 14 LOL. Dinner was beautiful tasty excellent fun...caprisi salad cut and server at the table...antipasto tower prosciutto mozzerlla olives lovely cheeses. entre was risottos with some sort of curded beef...and the wine was wonderful...wrote the name of the first bottle...fuegoblah blah for second bottle (way past writing by then :-)...roommate and I and alessandro were the only ones drinking wine...alessandro and alberto (he is returning to italy on sunday)_drank italian beer..minolo does not drink...he only weighs 100 lbs wet...i can see why he would not drink LOL...stayed after the resturant closed...think we left about 12:30 am

after dinner we went to the Table night club...Alessandro had taken an obvious liking to me at dinner so..of course...roommate had to keep all of them away from and dance with alessandro all night...this is just my karmic pattern...women near me try to covet ALL of the men...no hard feelings...I hung out with the club manager at a table in the back most of the night...when i wasn't dancing myself sweaty...lol

DL OZ took it upon himself to admonish me in some way over the mic each tim ei was on the dance floor..."behave yourself"..."i need a hug" he woudl say (along with my name)..made me feel special ...at least as until I finally fiogured out he was just getting an in with me to get to roommate...he asked her for her numer and for a date...ah well, again ...just my karma...special to no one unless it gets them closer to someone else...

had a great time sharing to big bathroom stll with Jeanie...my necklace snapped and sent expensive presious metal bead skittering across the bathroom floor...i was honored at the way ALL of the women in the bathroom suddenly band together and picked up every single on of those tiny little beads...then a man outside made an envelop out of a paper from Jeanie's purse...

roommate use my necklace as an excuse to send the italians home and stay at the club...

club wound to a halt and roomie and i were stuck with no ride home...we started to walk when minolo called from the road...italians returned...off to siesta...alberto had not seen OUR ocean...went to parking #8...could not see the water...so I directed them to a place to beautiful man had once taken me to...alberto loved the broken peer...though it was hard to explain to him what it was (pesco...broken...i said...i think he finaly understood)

italians brought us home and siad caio and kissed our cheeks...

what a wonderful night!!!


Smiling tired and half intoxicated 4 at am...must get some rest exercise walking the beach in the am).....blue

today made three

three days in a row off to the beach at 6 am for a walk (for me)...a run for the roomie (she hurts herself that way but is more interested in how men perceive her ass than how health her body remains over time)...

I was shocked this mornign when the door burst open at ten to 6...rommie stayed out all night with this weeks conquest...did not expect to see her until tonight....but NOPE...she was right there yanking my ass out of be (usually the reverse is the case...I do the yanking and the nagging)...

I only wish I could feel that profound comfort and security that comes with having someone who do whatever it takes to keep a commitment to you....will put your health and welfare above their own sex drive....

But...alas....rommie did not come bursting in this morning for me...she always says "god helps those who helps themselves..."...the girl is interested in me using my gasoline to drive over to the beach and in having her ass look great in a bathing suit...

saying she has to do it for me is just the tiny novel thing she used this time to get herslf back on the road having an ass she can be proud to display in public...

but that's okay...I reap the benefits of a motivating force none the less...and am greatful to her for it...

so lovely out there early....though I had someone on mind much of the time...

anyway...gotta go...blue

whirlwind day

work from home all morning
beach in the afternoon
oyster bar 1st...actually ate oysters and salad and (badbad) a pina colada

sit on the beach...get chased back by the tide
read...walk...romp in the waves...power walk the knee deep edge of the churning gulf

home...shower...dinner...wine...laugh...change...off to watch the sunset

rainbows laid before me in the wet surf licked beach...tread the hues and marvel at the majesty...a moment of near tearful appreciation for the opportunity just to be...me...

off to the outdoor bar on main street for dessert (badbad)...and a cosmo (sooobad)...

home agian...into pj's in front of the tele...phone rings...up again...dressed again...ALL are gathering 'round the corner at the new watering hole...

down the street around the corner only to be greeted by...SHHHHHH...he's on the phone...

inside unexpected Joe...met a new girl...nice girl...can't stand that tard guy that hangs around with joe...he's got bad vibes about him...flesh crawls when pam rubs his shoulders after joe's...

stay a bit...no more drinks...no more food...whore of an ex-best-friend's ex is off the phone...charming as always...funny funny....he interrogates the new girl...will she marry joe??? when?

ex friend's ex talks to me of the stalker whore and how she seemed diminished and humble when he ran into her...different from her cocky old self...yet he admits that the place she works in prime hunting ground for that rich man she always seeks to snare...poor joey ( different guy...not tonight's joe)

30 mins...enough...time to go...kisses all around..whore's ex critiques roommates lip gloss on his cheeks...turns to me and says, "let me go over here and get something real" (from my glossless lips he means)....kisses (again) on each corner of my mouth...eyes lock...so charming...yet...yet...hmmmm...maybe just not the man for me...

and we're off...

home... back into the pj's...and still have that feeling of a pending, what's next???

signed...for a good time..call...blue

she is stalking me

well...was going to go to karaoke tonight....brooks saved me...was talking to him on the phone and told him about my whore of an ex best friend being in town...working here...followed me here...brooks was concerned about me running into her...then he said, you won't...he kept me on the phone for a while...i decided it was too late to walk down to karaoke...

roommmate got home and had apparently been at karaoke...the issue of her not calling me and saying "come on over" we will discuss later...hhmmmmm...

anyway...whore of an ex best friend must have heard from her bartender friend that I had been there singing...whore was there...she confronted my rommate...said she didn't understand what had happened, wants to talk to me...

funny because brooks and i discussed what woudl happen when i ran into her in this small town...brooks said i woudl just turn and walk away...i noted that that woudl just promt whore to make a scene...i said i woudl just tell her she had never brought anything good to my life and i was done so drop it...

not sure that whore never bringing anything good to my life is entirely true...but she did bring more angst and woe than joy...of course woudl not have met roommate or guy who kissed me or ...well you get the point...

i do know that the answer to "what happened" is "enough"...finally "enough"...after 20 years "ENOUGH!!!"...

enought being in shadows....enough of the "and this is the most intelligent woman you will ever meet" that sound more like "sorry I am hanging around this homely bitch...but she's smart"...enough of the "she will pay for my everything until i find a rich man to make him pay for us both"...enough abusing my space...enough resuing the whore...enough in the shadows...''

geeez i'm drunk...on vodka and pomegrante tonic thingy and I'm drunk...must not be drinking enough lately...lol....

anyway...she told roommate she wants to "talk to me" she "doesn't understand what happened"...

she has been stalking me for months from afar...only when she came to town...now, apparently she has moved here...guy who kissed me (one of the whore's ex's) called roommate to say he went into a resturant where i had had dinner with the whore and him one time....and she was there...the bartender...

she is stalking me...she know i love karaoke night...she hates that shit...she was there to confront me...

i need could confront her myself...i woudl just say..."enough, leave it alone...leave me alone"...i wish i had a knight in shining denim to tell her to leave it be...but all my protectors are gone...they died or i chased them away...

i love my life and will not spend it avoiding an empty minded cold souled whore...

she told roommate tonight "she IS a party girl"...if that is true...why woudl the universe let me live in places with people that just might steal my joy?

sorry for any drunken typos....blue (who, at this moment, could just cry)...ah well, only 3 hours to power walking on the beach...something to look forward to...one always needs something to look forward to...)...once again....

signed...blue

why do men make drama out of nothing at all??

why is there a double standard associated with the standard walk away and leave someone who walks away and leaves you clause???

here is the deal...this kind of thing just happened to a friend....but i will use a very similar personal experience here, for clarity:

I go to a club with my roommate...i do not know anyone at this club...i am not hunting men at this club...i have chosen to go out with my roommate to share her company...my roommate meets a man at the bar begins talking...tells me to watch her drink while she goes to dance with him...returns 20 minutes later only to leave once again to dance...another 20 minutes go by...I get my purse and keys and go home...

no problem...no drama...no blame...i went to a place to have a night out in the company of the person I went there with...that person found other company...i got tired of sitting alone and went home...

roommate actually calls later and asks...where are you?...home, i say...well can you come pick me up?...sure, i say...i go get her...we talk and laugh about the guy turning out to be a "tard"

...no problem...no drama...

Now put a twist on that some situation...this is much like what happened to the friend I mentioned earlier...though made slightly hypothetical for clarity:

you are doing that fashionable thing that all men want to do of late...you know that, "I want to go out to places with...but I am NOT 'going out with you'" thing...and that going out while not going out finds you two in a establishment catering to night time entertainment...this night happens to be a night when the tarts are out in hoards...short skirted and fake titted...this is a night when you expect that the gentleman you did not out to this place with (yet you are here with him) will find plenty to do other than share his time with you...which is cool...because you can busy yourself...

however, after an hour or so of only getting a glimpse of him on the dance floor and in the corner with one tart and another...you get tired of being hit on and having drinks spilled on you and having no one to dance with unless you want to give some over-eager pussy hunter the wrong idea...you can't find the guy you did not come with for about 20 minutes to tell him you want to go....

sooooo...you go...you drive home put on your pj's and grab a cup of tea...no drama for you...just going where you can be comfortable...

Then the phone call comes...the "WHAT THE HELL KINDA DRAMA R U PULLIN' ON ME" call from that guy you did not go with...he is PISSSED...he says shit like..."you knew the deal...I am not dating anyone...no reason for you to get jealous and run off...i thought we had an understanding!!!"...

well holy bullshit batman...looky there...the one kind of accusation you can never defend yourself against...other idiots imposing their reasons for your actions onto you and assuming them to be your reasons...no defense because whatever you have actually done looks exactly like what they are accusing you of...it is all a matter of nuance and motivation...but who could convince anybody dumb enough to start this fight of anything involving nuance...

anyway...the point being...or the question...why do men constantly assume that they are the reason you do things???...why do we rare, few women who don't find being jealous worth our time constantly get accused of it?? why is it that acts of independence are mislabeled as drama...

hell if you want someone to sit around in a club and wait while you hunt pussy go hire a chauffer...there are times when we all just happen to go places on the same nights to seek our own fun with that "got your back" or "happy to introduce you around" thing goin' on...and that is cool...and then there are times when we go places with one another--to share of one another's company...and that is important too...for everyone, of all genders...just know the difference...and when two people turn out to be on different wave lengths...no accusations...NO DRAMA!!!!...You freaks!

REPOST…a certain amount of pain with desire

a post that's been days in the churning....and was then revised and reposted…

he said that there is a certain amount of pain in desiring...
how profoundly true...
in desiring any thing...any one...any place...

my pain manifests in a tugging in my solar plexus and/or a tension just behind my bottom lip...funny...that's same tension that, for me, accompanies that instant just before a first kiss...

then, he added, to have is to no longer want...again profoundly true...how often do we build up the wanting of a thingy and then find that once we’ve got it we put in a drawer, stop cleaning its cage, find someone prettier and shinier, more mysterious, less familiar to be intriguing to us until we know enough of them to stop wanting to clean their cage…

but then again, does this HAVE TO be true? I have found that I know within moments... sometimes... that someone is a “keeper” (worth keeping for the rest of my life)…there are just some rare and wonderful creatures (dogs, cats, pet rats, people) that are worth keeping for the rest of your life…or the rest of theirs…

these creatures bring comfort and excitement and insight…there should be time with them…time to have more than one relationship…time to drift in and out of the forefront of one another’s existence…in and out of focus in one another’s daily lives…for these creatures hold meaning in many different capacities…one should know them from many different angles, in many different ways…

well...this post goes to show that days do not bring words to express the ineffable...still true in the repost…

again..oh well...blue

a certain amount of pain with desire

a post that's been days in the churning....

he said that there is a certain amount of pain in desiring...
how profoundly true...
in desiring anything...anyone...any place...

my pain manifest in a tugging in my solar plexus and/or a tension just behind my bottom lip...funny...that's same temsion that accompanies that instant just before a first kiss...

then, he added, to have is to no longer want...again profoundly true...

but then again, does this HAVE TO be true?

well...this post goes to show that days do not brig words to express the ineffable...

oh well...blue