can't get it straight

why can't I get hold of the need to know people?  I am soooooo unimpressed by the "who's who" that I wonder if I am socially afflicted or something.  I see, quite often, people reaping the benefit of know the "who's who".  Yet, I do not want to know them...I guess I really don't want to know much of anyone...a few close friends...a few members of my burgeoningly large family...that's it...

I guess I just can't see how running in social circles...or an other kind of circles... is going to enlighten my soul...I can't seem to make any direct connection between knowing people and deepening my soul's capacity for compassion toward humanity as a whole (or even people as individuals at a time of need).

i want to be quiet and learn...but maybe that is the selfish path...or maybe not...I think I might be better off in some circumstances if I knew more people to turn to for help...then again if I knew a plethora of people to help me, I may never help myself...

I wish I lived alone.  But I am glad for the things I have learned from sharing space...I have had to face many things that had not come into my sphere of knowing before...though some may be considered suffering...these learning experiences have opened my eyes...

alone...yes...ah well..i am where i am for now...